Clear Communication

communication-patternRecently, our church did a series of messages on Marriage and Relationships.  We used the book Preparing For Marriage by Dennis Rainey as a spring board for each talk.  In the audio message that is below I will be talking about 3 tips everyone can use to improve their communication with others (in marriage, with family and with co-workers).  You can follow alng with the notes below as you listen.  Thanks for checking it out.


The Bible has some great advice for us when it comes to communication!

James 1:19 (NASB)      
But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger

James 4:1 (NIV)
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?

Proverbs 13:3 (GW)
Whoever controls his mouth protects his own life. Whoever has a big mouth comes to ruin.

3 Tips for Better Communication:

Tip 1: Listen to Understand

Proverbs 1:5 (NASB)
A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel,

Making decisions without input…

  • Most decisions will require some communication
  • Ultimate you will have to make a decision
  • Get good counsel…
  • A decision will divide
  • Focus on what is being said (not what you feel)
  • Focus on the way it is said (watch body language)
  • Focus on clarification 
  • Ask follow-up questions (When you said___ meaning?)
  • Focus on understanding and not judging

Listening Habits to Learn:

Improving Your Communication starts with Listening

Tip 2:  Express to Be Understood

Ephesians 4:29 (NASB)
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 

Let’s look closer at the verse:

  • Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth – not swearing, put-downs or negative comments (Feedback-sarcasm)
  • but only such a word as is good for edification – Words that are Encouraging, beneficial, helpful, inspiring

Proverbs 12:25 (NASB)
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, But a good word makes it glad.

Proverbs 15:23 (NASB)
A man has joy in an apt answer, And how delightful is a timely word!

Proverbs 25:11 (NASB)
Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken in right circumstances. 

Zechariah 1:13 (NASB)
The LORD answered the angel who was speaking with me with gracious words, comforting words.

  • according to the need of the moment – speak about the here and now, solve today’s problems today (as best as possible)…
  • so that it will give grace to those who hear – 1 peter 4 (We give God’s grace) our words should be a gift to others

Communicating Habits to Learn:

  • Determine what you want to say.
  • Determine how you want to say it.
  • Determine when you should say it.


What to say – the facts, and how you are seeing things (notepad)

How to say – calm, thoughtful, reassuring (Police officer)

When – Timely, rested, un-distracted 

Improving Your Communication starts with Listening

Also includes speaking to be understood

Tip 3:  Purpose To Resolve Conflict

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NASB)
BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.

Resolving Conflict Requires:

  • Determination to Confront (Lovingly) –

Loving relationships allow honesty – “She’s telling me this because she loves me and wants me to be the best.”

  • Forgiveness

Learn to give and seek forgiveness quickly.  Own your part in the conflict right away (humble yourself and in due time God will lift you up).  If you have no part to own then it is probably a pride issue with you!

One Last Thought…

“The extent to which you can ‘listen to understand’ and ‘express to be understood’ will help determine the level of intimacy and oneness you will experience in your relationships”  From Preparing for Marriage


What are your thoughts about the communication tips?  Please leave a comment.

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